Saturday, August 29, 2009

Life 1; Red 0

I have been thinking way too much today. Actually, it started yesterday. Driving home from work I began to analyze and then over analyze myself into a mild panic attack. It's a vice of mine - over analyzing EVERYTHING. I know I can drive myself into a frenzy and yet I still do it. Through the years I have worked on trying to have more patience with others. I think I have managed that pretty well, so perhaps now at this stage in my life I need to stop allowing myself to over think every aspect of my life.

I'm curious to know how many of you ask for "life" to give you a sign when trying to make a decision. I am one of these people. I will literally talk to God for hours on end asking him to please leave me a sign (you know, a big huge note written on the bathroom mirror that only I can see, or maybe a special text message telling me what I should do). Never happens. I think I get a sign and I have simply misread my emotions and instead of being the right way I end up worse off than I was. I don't know.. I keep thinking I am almost 46 years old and that's closer to the end than it is to the beginning so I'm getting a tad bit worried I don't have the time left to find the right answers.

Someone told me the other day that as long as I was walking, talking and had people in my life that I love and that love me in return I am doing alright. They told me that is happiness and that I was asking for way too much. I'm processing this and it's not sitting too well with my 1) heart and 2) the Libra-needs-balance part of me. At what point does a person become fulfilled in life? Isn't that a personal journey? What is happiness to some isn't necessarily happiness to others.

I am happy creating things with my yarn. I find much satisfaction in the process of putting something together, seeing the end product and then especially when someone has it for their own. But I don't have nearly enough time to crochet as I would like. Just when I sit down and start in, it seems I have something I have to do and so I must leave my passion for less thrilling chores. Afterwards I'm often too tired to pick it up again or perhaps I have lost the moment.

Today I rode Dolly around the new barn property. I lounged her first in the arena thinking she would be quite excited and full of herself, but she surprised me and was not. She seemed rather calm and curious, so I threw a leg over her and we rode for a bit. She was amazingly easy going and the only thing that had her acting a bit cautious was a roll of wire fencing lying beneath a row of grapes. I tried coaxing her to them while still in the saddle but that wasn't working, so I hopped off and led her right to the wire. She seemed less interested when she was closer to it and decided to sample the grape leaves instead. The vines are about ready for harvest. They hang heavy with bunches of deep purple grapes. I thought about tasting one..but hesitated. Maybe tomorrow.

I have two craft fairs to prep for. One is Oct 3 & 4th. I do not know how much inventory I have already for that one, but I need to pull out my containers and find out. The second one is Dec 5 & 6th. If I work hard and steady I could have a fair amount of bags done for that one. By "fair" I mean maybe ten. And that's not a lot really when you think about a two day craft fair, but really what are my options? Hire out workers? LOL

I had stopped listening to Daughtry's new CD (and his old CD for that matter) because... Well, just because. Now I find myself singing the songs on my own and that's a tad disturbing, or enlightening depending on how you look at it. Part of me feels like that chapter has passed and the new one has started, but I still feel a tremendous pull towards that time. So for now I am going to let it pull me, or push me? Why does it have to be a step backward? Why can't it be a push forward?

SONG OF THE BLOG: "Tennesse Line" by Daughtry

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